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Newsgroups: alt.quotations From: noel@reg.triumf.ca (NOEL GIFFIN) Subject: Malapropes, mixed metaphor, Spoonerisms, etc Date: 1 Feb 1993 19:11 PST Organization: TRIUMF: Tri-University Meson Facility Message-ID: <1FEB199319112050@reg.triumf.ca> Keywords: malapropes, mixed metaphor, spoonerism Lines: 211

Well I have been collecting these screwed up expressions for a number of years now and it has become an interesting list. They are all uttered by one of my co-workers. He has achieved legend status within our group and it has become a game to pick up on the next fractured phrase. They are all malapropes, mixed metaphor, spoonerisms or some twist of this kind. I think he is an unconscious genious. We catch ourselves uttering our own now and don't know whether they are a universal plague on the language or he has affected only his immediate surroundings. There have been lot's we've missed I'm sure, but here is a short list of his best one's. They are in no order except a loose chronological one. I have placed translations beside them to lend some aid in understanding when taken out of context.

I post them here for your enjoyment.

Noel@reg.triumf.ca

================================================================================ T. P. MOSKVEN'S "SEMITICS" ================================================================================ MOSKVENESE | ENGLISH (What he said) | What he meant -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MOVIE MONGUL | MOVIE MOGUL -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE SITCOM SATELLITE | SATCOM SATELLITE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GETTING SEDIMENTARY | SEDENTARY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OBNOXIOUS GAS | NOXIOUS GAS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GROPER | GROUPER (fish) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ART DECOR | ART DECO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE "CLOVERLEAF" IS THE | "SHAMROCK"/ "POTATOE" VEGETABLE OF IRELAND | SYMBOL/ STAPLE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SHEET METAL MUSIC | SHEET MUSIC / | HEAVY METAL MUSIC -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JACOB'S SHIRT OF MANY COLOURS | JOSEPH'S COAT ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MALAMUTT | MALAMUTE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OLD GIZZARDS | BUZZARDS/GEEZERS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MOVIE "REAR VIEW MIRROR" | HITCHCOCK'S "REAR WINDOW" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A SESAME SEED PHONE | SESAME STREET PHONE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 OF 1, 2 OF THE OTHER | 6 OF 1, HALF A DOZEN... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DEAD MAN'S SPACE | NO MAN'S LAND -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARMCHAIR CASE | BASKET CASE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT | OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KLUTZOMANIAC | AN INEPT PERSON -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE "PIAF" SEWING MACHINE | A "PFAFF" or a "SINGER" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMUTING WITH NATURE | COMMUNING WITH NATURE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- POPULAR TREE | POPLAR TREE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LAUGHING AT THE BANK | LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE BATTLE OF RUNAMOCK | THE BATTLE OF TIPPACANOE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HE'S GOT IT DOWN PITTER PAT | GOT IT DOWN PAT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HITCH-HIKING IN EUROPE IS RISQUE | RISKY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THAT'S A HAIRBALL IDEA | HAIRBRAINED IDEA -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NORWEDISH | SWEDIEGIAN (Scandanavian) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HE SMOKES LIKE A FISH | ...LIKE A CHIMNEY / DRINKS LIKE ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THAT JUST GOES WITHOUT REASON | GOES WITHOUT SAYING -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HE WOULDN'T GIVE YOU THE | .... THE TIME OF DAY LIGHT OF DAY | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MY JACKET FITS LIKE A MATCH | IT FITS LIKE A GLOVE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU BUY WHAT YOU PAY FOR | YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU BUY WHAT YOU GET | " " " " -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHATEVER GRINDS YOUR CRANK | WHATEVER TURNS YOUR CRANK -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COUNT PEOPLE WITH A TURNBUCKLE | A TURNSTYLE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- USING AN ANTIDEODERANT | AN ANTIPERSPIRANT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ROUGHRIDERS IN THE SKY | THE SONG, "GHOST RIDERS ..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GARNISH HIS WAGES | GARNISHEE HIS WAGES -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PUT THE FLOOR TO THE METAL / | PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL PUT THE METAL TO THE PEDAL | " " " " " " -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'LL FIX HIS SHORTS | FIX HIS WAGON -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THAT BEATS THE CAKE | THAT TAKES THE CAKE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GOSSIPING BITTERSNIPE | GUTTERSNIPE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- APROXAMINUS ONE OR TWO | PLUS OR MINUS ONE OR TWO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A BURJELEAUX | A BURGUNDY,BEAUJELAIS,BORDEAUX -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOMEONE WITH A DARK VOICE | A DEEP VOICE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T KNOCK TILL YOU TRY IT | DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A WHOLE RIFF-RAFF OF STUFF | A WHOLE RAFT OF THINGS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A BRANDY SNIFFER | A BRANDY SNIFTER -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE COLONEL BOOGIE MARCH | THE COLONEL BOGEY MARCH -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THAT'S A REAL PILE OF CROCK | THAT'S A CROCK OF .... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HYDROGLYPHICS | HYRAGLYPHICS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL | SPEAKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IT'S AN ACQUIRED SMELL | AN AQUIRED TASTE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LIKE AN OFFSIDE CARTOON | LARSON'S FARSIDE CARTOONS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T RUFFLE THE BOAT | DON'T ROCK THE BOAT / | RUFFLE HIS FEATHERS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NO USE BEATING DEAD WOOD | NO USE BEATING A DEAD HORSE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THROW IN THE HAT | THROW IN THE TOWEL / | THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RIDING MISS DAISY | DRIVING MISS DAISY (x-rated?) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CUTTING OUT THE DRIFTWOOD | CUTTING OUT THE DEADWOOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FEELING A LITTLE SPERKY THIS MORNING | FEELING PERKY, SPUNKY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MOVIE "TWO LEFT FEET" | "MY LEFT FOOT" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SHORT MAN ON A TOTEM POLE | LOW MAN ON A TOTEM POLE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE CLUB SCOUTS OF AMERICA | CUB SCOUTS/ BOYS CLUB... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE GOVERNMENT WILL QUAKE IN | ... CAVE IN (LANDSLIDE?) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KARRAMESH | MARRAKESH -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TRYING TO BLAME THE FINGER AT ME | POINT THE FINGER / PUT THE BLAME -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'LL SEE IT WHEN I BELIEVE IT! | SEEING IS BELIEVING/ | I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MAN FROM WINDY RIVER | THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SNORING LIKE A TROOPER | SWEARING LIKE A TROOPER -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STUFF IT UP YOUR OVERCOAT | BUTTON UP YOUR OVERCOAT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE ODDEST BALL PEOPLE | ODDBALL PEOPLE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IT WAS RIVETED WITH HOLES | RIDDLED WITH HOLES -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WORST WEATHER ON RECORDED RECORD | WORST ON RECORD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HE'S GOT HIS FINGER ON THE THUMB | HIS FINGER ON THE PULSE OF IT/ OF IT | UNDER HIS THUMB -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PLAYING "BEGIN THE BENIGN" | THE SONG "BEGIN THE BEGUINE" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STUDYING THE WRITINGS OF PLUTO | THE WRITINGS OF PLATO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOUR BARKING UP A DEAD TREE | BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PEOPLE WITHOUT LEFT HANDS DON'T | LEFT HANDED PEOPLE DON'T LIVE LIVE AS LONG! | LIVE AS LONG -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU CAN LOOK AT A GLANCE THAT | TELL AT A GLANCE THINGS AREN'T THINGS AREN'T RIGHT. | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MY STEREO SPEAKERS HAVE A | A CROSS OVER NETWORK PASSOVER NETWORK | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOLDIERS ARMED TO THE CORE | A ARMY CORPS ARMED TO THE TEETH -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GOING AT IT LIKE BEAVERS | GOING AT IT LIKE RABBITS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PUT YOUR AXE TO THE GRINDSTONE | NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE / | HAVE AN AXE TO GRIND -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HE WAS HOT AS A TOAD | HOT AS A FIRECRACKER / | COLD AS A FISH / | COOL AS A CUCUMBER -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU CAN'T CHANGE AN OLD HORSE | YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE EXTENSION OF THE DINOSAURS | EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MONEY IS NO EXPENSE | MONEY IS NO OBJECT --------------------------------------------------------------------------------