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S E A S T O R Y

The following story is courtesy of The Admiral:

Back in about 1968 or 69, we made port in Yokosuka, Japan. Seemed like a nice sort of place to be for a bunch of crazy sailors. We'd been there before, so it was a place to go visit one's known funspots and have some good times with familiar faces. This time was different though, we wanted some new action. We ended up walking into a dimly lit lonely bar, which, when one looked real close, looked like it ought to be a real armpit. Just the kind of place we were looking for. We sat down at the bar and ordered a round. Well, one of the crazies I was with was approached by a middle-aged hooker who sure looked like she had seen better days. We were all pretty loaded, so she probably looked a bit better than she was, but... who cares? She started sweet talking our buddy and grabbed his cock a couple of times just to let him know she was interesting. She started whispering in his ear, and he began to laugh and quickly pulled out his wallet. He slapped about 50,000 Yen on the bar (it was 360 to the dollar then) and got off the bar stool. He was really laughing now, and he started to undo his belt and unzip his pants. At the same time, this sweet innocent thing was beginning to lie down on the floor and he kept taking his clothes off. We asked them what was up, and our crazy friend said, "This broad just told me that no matter how much I bet her, or how much I have the urge, I can't squat down and shit in her face." Being somewhat of a crowd of jokers, we all thought that sounded like a great bet, especially when this guy told us that to top it off, he had the urge to dump right then and there. Well, she was lying on the floor now, and he had dropped his drawers, and he squat down over her and began to grunt and groan. We were all whooping it up at the sight of this, when we noticed that the gal was blowing softly in our friends's asshole. Then we could see him with a funny look on his face, and then strain even harder. Well, she kept this up and finally, no matter how hard he would grunt and groan, he realized that he couldn't shit. With her blowing into his asshole, he kept puckering up cuz it tickled and he just couldn't go. Naturally, he lost his bet and went back to the ship in a foul mood from the loss. Now, you might think the story is over, but no, our hero started thinking that he had to outwit this broad, so he thought carefully and the next day he went around to everyone he knew and started collecting all the money he could get his hands on. He wanted to make the hooker and the bar running the scam really pay for their sins! Soon, there was quite a following as word spread of the plan. We all started for town, but had to make a quick stop at the base exchange. He went in and bought a box of Exlax, and promptly ate the whole thing. Well, that stuff may take awhile to work, but when you down a whole box, it seems to work miraculously fast. He started getting stomach cramps and really feeling like he was going to die. Next thing we know, there we are at the same bar, with the same hooker, and the same bartender. Our crazy friend went right up to the gal and offered to up the wager, telling her he just knew he could do it. Obviously this scam had been going on for quite some time, cuz it must have netted them alot of cash. She immediately accepted, and lay right down on the floor. Ray (our buddy) couldn't get his pants off fast enough. He was tearing at his belt buckle and moving like a man possessed. As soon as he dropped trou, he squatted over her face. She didn't even have time to pucker up. If you've ever seen anything gross, nothing seems to compare to the sight of a middle aged hooker laying on the floor of a scuzzy dimly lit bar, with a crazy sailor squatting over her face while he lets fly with the shit of the century. She was sputtering, coughing, and basically clawing to get away from this awful mess and Ray was just as content as could be, letting fly with his smelly mess. I never saw a happier guy. I guess that's why I always believed in his motto. "I don't get mad, and I don't get even... I get ahead!" Hope you can all go right out and have a Snickers bar now...