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From: mimir@hardy.u.washington.edu (Al Billings) Newsgroups: alt.magick Subject: The Chalice of Ecstacy Message-ID: <1iu09kINNffk@shelley.u.washington.edu> Date: 12 Jan 1993 08:42:28 GMT Organization: The Friends of Loki Society Lines: 945

[This contains both parts, concatenated.]

The Chalice of Ecstacy

Being a Formula of Open-ended Initiation Suited for this AEon Based upon a merger of the Tree of Perfection with the Cup of Babalon under the Auspices of Jupiter

Promulgated by Frater PVN, Master of Forbidden Alchemies -->by no Authority, other than his own<--

During 3 different opera during the first pentad of Arachnae of this year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the fleeting images which usually follow VIIIo orgasm were `blacked-out' by an overwhelming vision which began with Don Karr's Tree of Perfection. In earlier work with his Tree, there had been a strong tendency for it to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose- fully) into the Jovian Tree of expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus, Neptune=Binah, Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury, Tiphereth= Sol, Netzach=Mars, Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing melt-down of the Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter went `Nova' and became a star. The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded' the Sephiroth into the `backdrop' of the Universal continuity, while interconnecting each sphere to every other sphere by all the Paths.

But in these 3 opera, the transition was abrupt & without any hint of progression (like switching energy states by means of a quantum leap). What happened next was common to all 3 visions, but the detail of resolution of the vision has improved with repitition.

First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' & becomes a self-luminous body. Its color is Royal blue rayed with filaments of fine orangey gold which emmanate as fine spider-webbed strands from the center of the Sphere & progressively become twisted snake-like pseudopods which extend beyond the boundary of the Sphere of Daa"thto touch the marbelized back-drop of Paths (very lightly, like a spider testing her web for distant thrummings).

Second: The sun turns brilliant lemon-yellow with a network of royal purple strands (much like Jove's strands, but much finer in texture). Luna becomes a grail-shaped crescent of electric ultra-violet. Saturn becomes so black it looks more like a void than a color. Mars becomes a bright blood-red. Venus becomes an iridescent Kelly green while Mercury becomes a rich glowing psychedelic pumpkin orange.

Third: The Tree then begins to fold over itself & take on a palpable three-dimensionality. The upper 4 Sephiroth fold outward, so that the plane which defines them lies perpendicular to the axis of the Tree. Each of these 4 spheres becomes an irridescent narcotic gemstone on the rim of a celestial chalice. Kether becomes a brilliant white star (Sothis), Uranus becomes a `justified' higher vibration of Mercury (feminine emphatic androgyne whose anus has been filled with the semen of his children) & becomes a shining pearl [i.e., Uranus who ate his children becomes your-anus who receives the seed of his children in joy]. The sterile mother at Binah becomes the three-pronged transmitter of the energies of the Trident of Set. Each of her prongs is tipped with a jewel (ruby, emerald & a royal blue stone) of the same crystaline composition.

Sol becomes the point at which the bowl of the chalice joins the stem. Venus & Mercury become twin serpents which emmanate from Sol (like distended sperm) & encircle the inner surface of the bowl 3-1/2 times The between Sol & the rim of the cup. Looking down on the rim, Mercury spirals deosil & touches the rim twixt Jove & Uranus; Venus spirals widdershins & meets the rim twixt Sothis & Neptune. Sol then elongates into a pillar of yellow fire with a surface network of royal purple `veins' which distends downward to touch the Lunar Crescent. The Lunar Crescent then moves up thru the Sun & into the bowl of the challice, where it atomizes into a vaporous electrical dew, the color of the light transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter (infra-red + ultra-violet, with no visible light transmitted). Saturn & Mars move inward to stand beside the pillar of fire like the red & black testicles of the Maha lingam. The marbelized paths become the shell of the body of the chalice -- providing passive background support & communication among all of the Sephiroth.

The rim of the chalice then begins to vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed along the rim of a crystal goblet filled with fine wine) as a `mating call' to those who would drink from the cup of initiation. The black Saturnian testicle represents the in-drawing of sexual power during periods of silence, while the red Martial testicle represents the outward surge of spontaneous orgasm during periods of speech. The golden phallus transmits both of these energies to the cup of Babalon, where it is structured & directed by the twin haploid lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) within the menstruum of the trans-Abysal Lunar `fluid', called Purpura of Ghee -- a specialized form of Azoth. The royal road (purple network on the solar Maha-Lingam) absorbs a portion of the Purpura of Ghee for the education & enlightenment of the red and black testicles (whose Office is to wear masks of imbalance upon the outer).

Who (Hu?) is to drink from this chalice of ecstacy? Certainly not he who channeled its contents thru the Spheres of the outer Order. Certainly not she who refined the elixir by means of the feminine & masculine principles of Alchemy and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon. We are often warned of the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon drinks from her own cup. Who is to drink from this Chalice? Is it reserved for the Gods alone, or are there also certain classes of mere mortals who may safely imbibe its contents as well?

The Whore of Babalon shares her cup with all, for she knows that no man may taste of its hidden delights save thru the purity of his heart & the transparancy of his soul. The contents of her cup is the Elixir of Immortality of the Gods, yet it may be drunk by anyone who is Fool enough to actively seek initiation.

The rim Sephiroth are transmitters/emitters of energy and modes of specialization. Drink from each in turn, or all at once. The serpents channel, temper, & skulpt the energy of the cup in accord with Will. Their venom is deadly, while their kiss is ecstacy. The aspirant is the Dove who descends upon the cup from beyond the microcosm of the Alchemist. He (the dove being active in approach to the Cup is masculine, while the cup of the Chalice is Feminine) bears the host (the army of his un- tempered desires & un-tested aspirations) as a token `payment' for a taste of the dew of immortality. The host transforms the cup even as the Dove is transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way. * * *

More details gained while in half-awake state after a phonecall awoke me this morning (23 May,`84). I was drifting back to sleep when images of the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my consciousness. I saw that the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived from the Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old Tree. The black sphere of Saturn embodies the essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the formula of karezza. In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of vital essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will. The red sphere of Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which represents the spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the conscious control of the Alchemist. Together they symbolize the formula of IT (the un-manifest & manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's comments on the Book of Lies.

I then began to see the Chalice on other levels. The Chalice of Ecstacy is the fruit of the Tree of initiation which is also a map of the esoteric nervous system of the Magus. To those `outside' of the Magus's Universe, the Chalice appears very feminine & passive (for they are unable to perceive the dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum & Lingam). The aspirant is the male dove whe comes to drink the nectar of transformation. Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the aspirants to the inner Order are women.

Those who have attained to the inner Order embody both the Masculine virtues of the Outer Order, & the Feminine virtues of the Second Order. The members of the trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further initiation. They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the fabric of their beings. They are ever ready to offer what they have to those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup. The members of the Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine emphatic androgynes who embody the quintessence of the Alchemical Marriage. The substance of their Chalice is their uniqueness which sets each of them apart from other members of the Third Order. The contents of the Chalice is a distillation of Azoth -- the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will disolve in ecstacy & cease to manifest as a unique entity. However, the Alchemist seeks always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of other Chalices in the hope that s/he may attain disolution. The dynamic balance of the testicles of Jachin & Boaz are crucial to this on-going task.

The developing symbolism in these visions is wonderous to me, yet its practical application seems so obvious to me that I feel I must be missing something. But, in the interest of completeness, allow me to belabor the obvious.

The lower 2 spheres are a specialized application of the energies of Mars & Saturn to the task of Sexual Alchemy using the formulae of IT & Solvae et Coagula. The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of the Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished by the absorbtion of a portion of the elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its external surface. The body of the chalice is the pyramid of the Master, turned inside-out to offer the dew of immortality to all, rather than secreting it away like a black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) are the active (initiate) masculine & feminine componants of the Alchemist which act as independent self-motivated agents of the aspiring Ego (the Star in its go-ing). The supernals (including Daa"th)delineate the specialized nature of the cup of initiation which the Magus offers to the world (i.e., h-is/er specialized Magickal Current), while the Chalice is filled with the Universal solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe it. The Chalice is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup. Its rim is studded with the four elements and is thus the embodiment of the integrated Magickian. The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of Babalon. It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that which is called the Rosey- Cross by the Second Order. Aspirants to the Third Order are warned never to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet the Magi of the Third Order subsist almost exclusively upon its contents.

Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator. The contents of the Chalice is the precursor to information (DNA, initiation into a specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than information itself. Purpura of Ghee is infinitely transmutable by the Will of the aspirant in his journey from student to Ipsissimus, and is (in this AEon) not influ- enceable by the Will of the initiator.

This is a radical departure from previous AEons in which the Master dictated & controlled the development of initiation within the body/soul of the Aspirant. In the previous AEon, the formula for the Master was the pyramid, symbolizing the containment & the metering-out of the elixir of immortality. The primamry vice of Masters who work the formula of the pyramid is Simony -- the restriction of initiation for personal gain (acquisition of wealth; consolidation of power over others who posses contrary world-views; centralization & control-over prophesy/inspira- tion; and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma). The restriction of initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite at the expense of the Magickal Current itself. Corruption of the Alchemical Chalice is the universal result of mis-application of the formula of the Pyramid. A sure sign of such corruption is the silencing of those who question authority (censorship of non-traditional views, excommunication of heretics or removing them from positions of authority, or {in extreme cases} torture & murder of those who dare to ignore the promulgations of the power elite.

Those whose Will is to work with the Chalice of Ecstacy have vowed to release all aspirants from any/all requirements of patriotic fealty to us personally, to the Will of our particular Current, and to any dogmas associated with our Magickal Path. As initiators, we are an open channel of inspiration for all who drink from our cup. We may offer specialized initiations &/or courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to make of these initiations what he will. We do our Will consciously and with full responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions. We do not hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither do we play the role of humble servents who do but `follow the Will of the Secret Chiefs'. Obligations between any student or neophyte & any Master or Magus are always open to discussion, and can have no `hidden strings' attached to them.

But this does not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives to training students with no recompense. Workers in any field of endeavor (be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else) are deserving of compensation for their efforts. An under-study, chela or apprentice must expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or pay certain fees in exchange for training. As in more mundane apprenticeships, the exact nature of the exchange is open to discussion at any point along the Path. Apprenticeship training replaces the life-long indentured servitude to enshrined Dogma which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal centralization of power practiced in the previous AEon.

Magical Orders which continue to be based upon the closed systems of the previous AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid to flower. As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups of initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our success will be a proof to all who are drawn to us.

There are those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its obligations. They choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal Orders in order to forge links of their own with the inner Order. In some cases, it may not be possible for individuals to absolve themselves of their obligations to repressive Orders without abnegating all initiation in the process. However, in most instances the ingenious initiate is fully capable of freeing h-im/er-self from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders without breaking any oaths. The demonstration of the proof of this theorem is left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru the use of this formula.

Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS, or Word which when uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon served to mold all Currents of that AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS. The previous AEonic formula was that of Patriarchy. Assertion of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in China as much as it was by the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon before that was little different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma. However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right to utter the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so. Those who have become Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular AEonic formula, but are free to work with whatever formula(e) is/are aligned with the Current which it is their Will to transmit/reify.

At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition among myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertiliza- tion among heretofore contradictory Currents. But cross-initiation is strictly voluntary and is not neccessitated by the LOGOS of this AEon. Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence to incubate in fullness. During incubation, they may appear to be practicing the dis- eased isolation of the black brothers. However, such may not be the case. Only time & the success or failure of a particular formula can attest to its efficacy. We are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own LOGOS. Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi.

finis.

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.06> Moon being 8.0 Days old. [1:30pm]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

On my little excursion the other night I met a deer. It may have been a stag, but I am not sure because I think that the stags lose their horns this time of year. It was on the road & I stopped the car. We sniffed each other out & touched noses, before the deer decided that it had better things to do.

My meeting with the deer was exhilirating, but did little to quiet my restlessness. When I returned from the store, I went to bed.

Not much dream memories on Sunday morning, except at the very end of my sleep. My dream crystal had gone-off by itself & was inaccessable to my physical self. I `found' the crystal (on Monday night) wedged between my matress & the wall -- in a place where I know I had searched for it a few days earlier. Now that it has returned from its journey. I now have regained much strong consciousness of my dream life. I often wonder where crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality. Oh Shinnah says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more to the mystery than simple pranks. Such mysteries need more information. In the meantime, here is what I remember of my Sunday morning dream.

In my dream I was on the sandy shore of a great sea. Long grass grew in the sand. There was an old temple, seemingly abandonded, surrounded by unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild goats grazed the grass & a stag (the one I met on the way to town?) stood off on a nearby hilltop. I attempted to walk to the temple, but the grass restrained my legs & prevented me from approaching any closer. The restraint was not the mindless tangle of earthly vegetation, but the cooperative effort of many simple minds working cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like ants or cluster flies). The grass did not halt me when I retreated back to the shoreline.

Then I noticed that whenever a goat entered the sea, it turned into a fish -- not all at once, but front to back. The goat would go to the edge of the water & kneel its forelegs down & put its face & front end in the water. As the wet portions turned into a fish, it would thrust-off from the beach with its hindlegs (like a man launching a dingy from a beach) & complete the transition. The entire operation was both fast & smooth, with no akwardness or hesitation. All that was left of the goat was a beard & curly horns on the fish.

Fish were also coming out of the sea. First they would approach the beach from underwater & beach themselves with their heads held high out of the water. As the gentle waves retreated from their bodies, their heads & forelegs became those of goats. The goats would then pull themselves onto the beach with their forelegs & (once out of the sea) the transition would be completed. Although the goats & fish were of vastly different size, the transition did not look in the least bit ludicrous or implausable.

These goat-fish reminded me more of Neptune than of Capricorn as I watched their actions. I then remembered Don's Tree & its attribution of Neptune to Binah. I wished I could remember which 3 Paths accessed this Realm in Don's system so I could look for clues of the gateways.

I looked up at the Sea & saw a far-off island with a mountain of crystal enshrouded in mists. A large metallic gold Trident seemed to `grow' out of the peak of the mountain like some sort of Atlantean sky- scaper. The symbol reminded me of the "Wealth Crystalizes the Humm / the Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I have been using in my VIIIo workings.

I was intrigued by the island & wanted to journey there to explore it, but (since other mysteries lay closer to hand) I was far more interested in getting to the abandoned temple. Somehow I knew that I was respons- ible for holding myself back from reaching it. I somehow felt `to blame' for its state of dis-repair & abandonment. The state of the temple grounds was particularly disturbing to me. I knew I needed peace within myself before further exploration would be possible, so I sat down to discover answers thru meditation.

As I sat down in the grass to meditate on my place in all of this, the grass gently picked me up & transported me to the entranceway of the temple. In some ways, I felt honored to be treated so regally by the noble grass, yet I also somehow expected such treatment because of my rank <"& the angels bear him up, lest he dash his foot against a stone">.

As I was borne to the temple on the backs of the grass, I became more & more at peace with myself. I was still troubled by why I should feel responsible for a place which I had never seen before, so I followed the thread of my dis-ease.

At first I thought that my link with this temple might be cause-&- effect via my physical home -- that is to say, I felt that this place was allegorical of the state of dis-repair & lack of maintainance which I accord to my physical dwelling. But I somehow felt that the link was not so straightfoward. Somehow the 2 temples are analagous, but neither is allegorical of the other.

It is not my present task to maintain the earth (physical plane) at this nexus of Space/Time, for I am a storyteller whose task is to explore the realms of vision & report-back to the rest of the race -- but this could change in an instant if I chose to undertake a different aspect of the Great Work. The apparant crumbling of both of these temples is but an illussion based upon a skewness to my perspective. Even as I look at both temples more closely (for I can peceive both levels of reality at once), their integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more at peace with the dance of Maya.

I am in an open temple -- not much more than a courtyard paved with large stones, with widely-spaced pillars supporting a high vesica shaped roof. Near the center of the temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands a very large shallow grail (like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across} made of polished stone {black marble veined gold) balanced on a short pedastal shaped like a golden mushroom. The cup is far too large & unwieldy to lift, but it nonetheless has a pair handles made of goat horn. As I approach the cup, it appears to be filled to the brim with a seething efervescant broth which both attracts and repells me at the same time.

As I focused on why I should not drink the potion (the contents of the cup of Babalon is not for consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted to drink of it. It smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew that this cup contained the dew of immortality.

But the more I focused on why I should drink the brew (this is my dream & I can do whatever I please in my own fantasy world), the more repulsive the cup became. Its contents smell of vomit & decay and I saw both maggots & turds floating on its surface.

The goats & the stag were watching me curiously from the perimeter of the temple. I looked toward the stag & noticed that he was standing by a circular staircase which wound around one of the columns up to the roof. I looked up at the high roof & saw that directly over the grail was a yonic opening decorated with pearls.

I climbed the stairs & walked out on the high roof. A gentle breeze was blowing & the whole temple swayed <I always find it remarkable that my `normal' extreme vertigo & acro- phobia is completely absent in most dreams.> I went to the edge of the yoni (it was even more ornately decorated along the top edge) & knelt at a kind of bench which suspended me over the hole.

The bench has padded depressions for my knees & elbows. The whole affair pivots with changes in my body weight to shift me from a kneeling position at the edge of the hole, to hanging face-down over the center of the hole. I knew that the bench responds to the slightest shift in my center of gravity & is therefore much more atuned to my Will than my conscious actions (much like a dowser's forked stick or pendulum). I knew that my Will would either bring me back to the safety of the roof, or dump me into the grail (from a height of 100 meters), and my conscious fears &/or struggles would only hinder my chances of survival.

So I relaxed & enjoyed the view. The grail was tiny below me, yet I could still see it quite clearly. Its roiling contents looked absolutly repulsive. Yet, the odor drifting up to me was absolutly enchanting. I knew that if I closed my eyes, the seductive quality of the odors would lure me to `let go' and I would slide down into its depths. Such a fate wauld not really be very terrible, for the intoxication of being the cup is a great reward for those whe seek a release from the trials & tribulations of this world. However, I have much I still need to explore, & release from my task is not my Will at this point in time.

Then I remembered Jason & how he was able to listen to the sounds of the Sirens & live. I stared at the hellbroth & focused on its repellant nature & my revulsion quickly shifted the bench out of the oriface & back up to the roof. I took off my traveler's pack & used its straps to secure my legs to the bench. Then I allowed myself to shift foward over the hole once again. I closed my eyes & drank-in the narcotic allure of the grail with my nose. I felt myself slipping foward, but I no longer cared whether I lived or died. I simply sought union with tho object of my desire. When I felt the tug of the straps around my ankles, I knew that my scheme had worked. I hang suspended between the worlds.

Behind my closed eyelids I saw a mist. Fleeting images scampered by at the direction of my unconscious urgings. I tried an experiment. I `projected' the Cheshire cat from Alice onto the mist. The face appeared first, then the rest of its body. The cat spoke to me "Ah Dodson, it has been a long time hasn't it?" I chuckled & the cat became startled when it realized that I was not Dodson. It then peered at me intently & turned into the hookah smoking catipilar who asked "Who are you?" I smiled back & returned the question "Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was quite giddy from the fumes of the grail below & was quite willing to make puns on who/HU in order to test the catipillar's reactions).

The catipillar was not pleased at my blasphemic punning & began to menace me with venomous mandibles. I opened one eye to superimpose the image of the grail upon the catipillar. He shrieked in terror & begged be to close my eye, lest he plunge to extinction. I acquiesced he became most intrigued at how I managed to maintain that precarious position of illusion.

I chuckled & told him of how I tied my ankles to the bench. He was most impressed & gave me a token whereby I might pass thru the realm of the red queen un-molested. [the token looked like one of those brass coins used at video arcades instead of real money to minimize pilfering.] He then offered me a bit of the mushroom which he was sitting on. [I placed it into my flask to add to my in-vitro entheogens for the up-com- ing gathering.]

He asked me again who I was & I told him that I had many names in many places, but did not really know how to answer him in a way which would not be misleading. It was the catipillar's turn to chuckle now. He looked deep into my soul & saw that I was indeed a Thelemic pilgrim on a nameless quest. He then took on the form of the Cheshire cat once again & decalared that I must be one of the wizards of Oz he has heard so much about.

Then I awoke in my bed, with only scant memories of the dream. It is amazing how the writing of a dream will cause me to re-live it & thereby aid me to retell it. The peculiar weave of tenses from past to present & back to past again in retelling the tale is an indication of the complex weave of retelling the tale & re-living it. The weave would be even more complex had I not consciosly attempted to keep it all `in the past'. Were this a prorer story (rather than a diary entry) I would probably re-write the whole tale in the present tense to add immediacy & impact for the reader.

Experiencing of dream while awake is most unlike the dream while asleep. While asleep, each conscious choice opens certain possibilities, while closing others (either I swam to the trident mountain or I went to the temple of the grail, but not both at the `same' time), but in my wakeful state, I can see that all pathways remain open no matter which set of choices I make at any given juncture. Each dream is infinite & what I report in this record is but the smallest fragment of what has actually transpired. I follow those threads which seem most interesting or the most entertaining. But all alse is equally valid.

Structured initiation seems to be involved with making a continuous set of choices leading to a particular `goal' (usually predetermined by tradition or the guidance of an external guide). At the moment, I have no particular goal in sight. I simply explore -- & create in my explorations. On one level I know that immersion in the grail means an end of my consciousness. Yet, on another (equally valid) level I know that the grail is simply a portal (possibly one-way) to another world (possiblly another Sephiroth). For now, I use the power of this Grail to reify dreams, but soon I must use it to bring such dreams back to this plane so that I can continue my work without interferance.

* * *

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for WEDNESDAY, the 09th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.11> Moon being 8.05 Days old. [2:35pm]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Troubled night with tumultuous dreams. Even though I feel worn-out & bedraggled, I do feel better. Fear of wrestling with a dragon is always so much worse than the actual wrestling match. Dream images lack full clarity, but they feel powerful. I shall dip back down into them to see what I can draw-forth

I am in a very large mansion (which is also a fancy hotel) with Anne & a man whom I do not know. He is a friend (or lover) of Anne's. I am somewhat uncomfortable for Anne seems to want me to leave, yet she also wants mo to stay. We are in a huge bathroom with a bath tub enclosed with glass doors. The tub is big enough for several people. Anne does not want me to bathe with her, yet she keeps telling me that I need to take a bath & I "had better hurry".

I see a second bathtub. It appears to belong to the people at the health club next door. I begin to close the door to the health club (for solitude & for quiet when a brown pussycat wants to come in. I fear a fight between this cat & Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to close the door. A young man assures me that their mascot is very friendly & will cause no problems. I let the cat in.

In another aspect of the dream I am talking with one of the permamant residents of this house. He is a stereotypical English Lord of some sort. He asks me what connection I have to "the family". I tell him that we share a common ancestor & that my father's uncle is his uncle's father. He looks a bit bewildered & then beams at me & exclaims that I must be related to the "ship's Pharoh", by which he means the ancient ship chronometer which has been missing for quite a number of years.

Although I do not see how I can be a descendant of a clock, I reply in the affirmative (for it does have a ring of truth to it).

In the big bathroom is a large glass bell, made of a thick blue glass which makes a marvelous tone when struck with a leather headed wodden mallet. The bell is shaped like a squid & is about 4 ft. long. When I am preparing my bath (on the athletic club's side of the bathroom) I see that someone (Anne??) has made a mess of the big bath tub. All the glass panels are askew & water is leaking everywhere. I attempt a fix, but I really do not understand how the varios panels & curtain rods go together. Anne is upset with me for attempting to fix "her project". I leave her to her own devices to take my bath. I am saddened by our interactions, but am unable to find a workable solution other than steering clear of her until she does what needs doing.

I find a second glass bell like unto the first. But this one has a broken mouth & has been drilled out to accept various electric wires & lamp fixtures. This bell is sentient & is viscious towards me. It keeps biting me about the hands. I find a stick & place in in the bell's mouth to give it something to chew on. Its visciousness subsides. Perhaps it was only teething.

I am down by the waterfront in a poverty neighborhood frequented by sailors, smugglers, hookers, & cut-purses. It is foggy. I cannot see the water, although I hear it lapping against the nearby pier. I am here to meet a sailor who may have information about the ancient chronometer which I seek. I describe the device to him without naming it.

"It is a squat vertical cylinder made of brass sitting on a platform meant to be bolted in place in the wheelhouse. It is covered by a deep parabolic glass dome te protect it from the weather. It has no clock hands like a modern chrono- meter, but has a series of perforated metal disks thru which one sights the stars. The perforated disks are attached to the vertical side of the central cylinder tangent to its curved surface."

The sailor immediatly knew that I was describing the Pharoh. He had once (long ago) been on the ship which relied on the Pharoh to guide it, but the ship had sunk. He thought the Pharoh had been taken off the wreck & brought to Castle Trident atop the crystal mountain.

The sun had been rising as we spoke. The mists began to clear & I saw the island from my previous dream.

I knew where I was & I knew that I was in dreamland. I took the blue glass bell (the one with the broken mouth & electric wiring) from under my trenchcoat, unwrapped it & placed it in the sea. It turned into a blue bottle dolphin who began to swim round & round the bay, making the most musical sounds I had ever heard. The water soon frothed & seethed with activity as hundreds of dolphins congregated to hear the tale of the dolphin who had been turned into a bell & then a lamp.

One of the dolphins approached me & began to speak. I could not understand her words so I spat into her open mouth (a trick I once The learned from the King of Serpents). The dolphin immediatly understood my intentions & spat back into my mouth. We then kissed deeply & I became sexually arroused. She drew me into the water & we became as one. While we fucked, she dove deep into the sea & lept high into the air. We both climaxed together & lay together on the surface of the gentle sea. Other members of her clan communicated our combined elixir from her vagina with their tongues.

As we now spoke a common tongue, my lover asked me how I came to their harbor & whence I was going. I told her of the crystal mountain & of the Pharoh I hoped to find in Castle Trident. She asked if I could swim to the island & I asked her how far away the island was from the bay. She replied that her people went there often when men fished the shore of the great sea (to avoid competing with them for fish). The trip usually took her people 13 days.

I replied that I was able to swim for several hours at a time, but such a trip was beyond my endurance. I asked her about those who live on the island (their race, temperment, etc.) and whether they had regular commerce with the men of this port.

She replied that the beings who lived on that central island kept to themselves, but were not hostile to anyone. They did not fish the sea, neither did they engage in commerce, save to deal with certain ships which regularly brought them unusual items in return for life-restoring unguents & potions.

Dolphin sonar does not work above water & their eyesight is poor, so she was unable to give me much information about the race which lived on the island. She offered to transport me there, but as I needed dry passage for the Pharo, I declined her kind offer. I asked her if any of the ships which traded with the island were now in port & she pointed one out to me.

I went back to the mansion to bid my goodbyes & to seek out the old Lord to ask him about Castle Trident. He informed me that the only way to gain acces to the castle was to bring a rare object to trade with them. None had ever seen the lords of Castle Trident in pepson save their personal messengers (who appeared to be human). The messengers would not speak of anything but the business of barter `twixt human & the keepers of the Castle.

I asked if the keepers were honest & what kind of objects they sought. My cousin told me that the keepers had no interest in "that which could be purchased for gold or obtained by a common thief".

I looked for Anne, but was told that she had left with first light. Some said that she had traveled inland, while others told me that she was following a waking vision toward the Island in the center of the Sea.

Armed with this information, I sought out captain Diogenes of the ship Arestes' Misfortune in the tavern called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a plan with him which would get me to the keepers with a prize which would enable me to bargain with them face-to-face.

Fascinating how the imagry in my dreams seem to layer one upon the other. What began as one of those incomprehencable streams of dream images has resolved itself into another dream in the same cycle as the other night. I feel like I am still suspended over the cauldron of dissolution in another part of the same dream, but my consciousness has moved to a more active aspect of myself so that the seer can attain the motility of the doer without giving-up the power of projecting Will into the dream cauldron.

I note in passing that this afternoon a little neighbor girl came by looking for her lost cat. The description matches the cat in the earlier portion of my dream. Intriguing how time folds back on itself in such literal ways in dreamland.

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY the 29th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,850.06> Moon being 29.00 Days old. [1:30pm]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Time to get to my dreams.

In one dream, 0-Maku & I were looking for a cheaper house to live-in. We were selling the apartment building & the Humm did not have its own place in the country. 0-Maku had located a house which was within our price range ($45,000) & wanted me to go see it soon so we could put down a purchase offer. Bill Gafney (our contractor form the apartment house) overheard our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the location of the house. When she described the place to him, he told us that the house had been purchased less than a year ago by the present owner for under $3,000 & that he had spent about $4,000 to fix it up. We were both shocked by the extremely low price. I was determined to offer $7,500 for the house & bargain from there. Secretly, I wondered what could be wrong with the place.

The house was very small on the outside, but inside, it was a mansion. It was built into the side of a hill on the edge of the Long Island Sound. Although the water was far to poluted to swim-in, it smelled fresh & exhilirating. The bedrooms had large balconies facing the sea, with spiral concrete railings like giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a large fireplace in a room with wrought iron doors with brass handles. It reminded me very much of a a house I never had.

On another level, I suspected that I was dreaming. I was unable to get to either the basement or the upper floor. One of the bedrooms was occupied by a teenage girl who didn't bother to put any clothes on when I came in. I jokingly asked if she came with the house & she replied that she prefered to come with people. The real estate woman sighed & told me that the teenage girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who was the reason for the extremely low cost of the house, for no woman could "hold onto her man" with "competition like this" around all the time. I turned to the spirit of the house & asked if she were jealous if her male lovers had other relationships. She replied that she was not in the least bit possessive or clingy, & that she had no need to compete for affections. I asked the spirit of the house if she would be willing to show me past the illussion which shrouded the house like a veil of cowbwebs.

She stood before me in her innocent nakedness & asked me if I knew who she was. I replied that I did not. She picked up a quartz crystal from the table beside her bed & gently rubbed it in the dew between her legs. She handed the crystal to me & told me to do "whatever came naturally". I smiled at her reverentially & sniffed the crystal's electric wetness. The scent of it made my limbs quake. I then kissed the crystal & drank in its essence. The house & my surroundings disapeared completely.

I was standing with Adrea on the drawbridge of a large castle carved from crystal. Before us was a delegation from the castle. They were tall, lean, & very pale (sort of a yellowy-gray) with high domed bald heads & skeletal hands (with exadurated digital pads). They looked at me serenly & asked why I had come to them. I asked what they knew of the changes in the lower Tree. They smiled serenly, nodded to one another, & invited me to enter the castle gates. Adrea & I followed our guides into the palace as our human companions brought in our precious cargo.

As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy to calm my nerves & focus me into this reality. The `candy' was a small emerald which had been bathed in the dew of her crotch. As the `candy' dissolved in my mouth, the reality of the Crystal Castle also dissolved. I remembered (& began to re-live) my quest for a captain & a good ship to sail me to the crystal island & the Trident castle.

After convincing the captain that I really knew of a way to procure the Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we set-sail for the abandonded temple guarded by the goat-fish & the grass of the AEons. That other aspect of me was still suspended over the Gateway when we arrived. He dreamed of our coming & thus made our passage easy. When we arrived, none of the ship's company would dare approach the Gateway, even though the grass allowed our passage. They all feared the seductive nature of the Grail & the one-way nature of that Gateway.

I went to the roof alone, & pulled my other self back from his place of dreaming. As always, he awoke without protest & greeted me cheer- fully. He addressed me as his uncle & asked if his cousin Sue would be joining us. I laughed at his strange perspective as we climbed down from the roof & approached the Grail. We called to the captain & crew to join us, but they were still afraid. A great red bull who walked like a man came from the fields & stood with us at the Grail. My nephew knew him as BAJ & introduced us to each other.

All began to shift as memories tumbled over one another. I had a difficult time sorting-out who `I' was. BAJ laughed loudly at our/my consternation & reached into the Grail to remove a fist-sized pearl which had floated to the surface.

He pointed at my younger self & stated "For this working, thou art AIR, starry-eyed gazer upon the Mysteries NU. None doubt your visions, yet most council against their too-hasty application".

He pointed at himself & continued "I am the Child of Earth, the God of all pleasures physical. For this role have I studied hard. Let it be hoped that the time is now as propitious as our young friend believes!"

Pointing at me, he sighed "For better or worse, thou art the Fire Carrier of divine inspiration. Thou art lazy, obstinant & unreasonably impractical. Thou art able to see thru the visions & fables of your younger self," [pointing to AIR] "but (for the most part), choose not to -- for the sake of Art! In thy hands is the power to bargain for the fate of an AEon. Your dis-connectedness to the consequences of your actions keeps you honest, though I do wish the task at hand permitted us to unify our consciouness more fully. "

"And this", he stated with much ceremony, as he held up the dewy pearl, "is our externalized Emotional self -- the unbalanced symbol for our quest of internalized stability, and (for us) the key to an end of the cycles of AEons."

The pearl began to grow & to glow. It left the hand of Earth & took her place at the Western Gate of Heaven. The pearl disolved in waves of heavenly music & fragrences. Adrea (or Sue {depending on one's perspective}) became manifest among us. Together we joined hands around the cauldron & began the spiral dance inward & outward to absorb the grail & its contents within the fabric of our being. The viewpoint of this tale shifted again & again. We became the gems on the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. As BAJ, I channeled energies thru Jupiter at the Throne of Daa"th. As Adria, I oversaw the mysteries of the Trident of SET from the Throne of Binah. As my younger self, the dreamer, I wielded the energies of Uranus, the Magus from the Throne of Chokmah. As my older self, I channeled the fire of the Gods (Starlight focused thru Sothis onto Pluto/Yuggoth) from the Throne at Kether. Yet, all 4 Thrones were equal. None was `above' or `more-advanced-than' the others. These 4 thrones formulate the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. From below Tiphareth, the upper Tree appears heirarchical, but such is the illussion caused by the gravitational distortions of Sol & our own mamallian heritage.

I know not where to take this vision. All is illussion & the more `sense' I try to make of my images, the more I am biasing my writing with self-generated drivvel. Semantics & theories & orderly progression of thoughts seem lost in a sea of nonsense. I project characters outside of myself in an effort to gain perspective, yet by being in more than one place at once, I lose all perspective altogether. I must center.

I draw my consciousness to a point & draw it into the Challice. I am a pearl of brass resting at the bottom of the Chalice of Ecstacy. The head of my penis protrudes into the bowl of the cup from `below'. I am at the center of gravity of this Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth & below the Supernals. Venus & Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time- travel around me. I am enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it. Kenetic energy = Potential energy, & I am at the fulcrum of the Universe. The feather of Maat spins on the pan of balance. My breath will upset the balance. It is not my will to hold back by breath forever. I have hidden the Logos from my conscious self so I am beyond the temptation to utter it. I am disgruntled that I do not trust myself completely. I am tempted to just go back to sleep & forget the whole thing. Then I remember death, pain & the regret which comes from dreams which are not permitted to come to fruition. To often has the race of planet-borne been afraid to dream. Such fears are all based upon the practical reali- ties of the test which we have set-up for ourselves.

Today is a day of self-induced beffuddlement. I have broken-off the writing of this entry many times in an effort to center thru meditation. Yet, the Work-at-Hand seems to require a splintering of consciousness which does not lend itself to accurate reporting. My diary entry is cannot help but be a projection of my lower ego so long as my higher self is fragmented. But by running my c.p.u. (central processing unit) in parallel, I gain access to the gestalt which can affect change as well as simply observe it. I run into Heisenberg's quandry. Close observation leads to influencing the observed phenomena. To be more to the point, how can I mutate a framework if I am internal to that framework. If the experimenter is not impartial, how can he keep his tinkerings impartial. Of course, he cannot. I do seek to tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the fruits of my tinkerings. Unlike Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land as well as guide others to its gates. I am the Gate & the Guardian thereof, yet I am also that who approaches the Gateway & the Path on which he strideth.

I rant & I rave like a madman, yet in my madness there is a kind of frenetic calm. I indulge in non-linear sensory overload in hopes of finding a foot-hold in a maelstrom. I need to break from this attempt to communicate in this record. The task of dancing round the Supernal rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle. I must shift that task out of linear Space/Time so I do not become so beffuddled at my alternating perspectives.

I focus my conscioussness as Hadit, wearing the Godform of a brass marble spinning round the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. I will it to slow down & drop to the bottom of the cup. An aspect of me comes to rest at center, yet other aspects of me continue to dance round the rim. I shall bury my head in some computer math books & then try to get some sleep. I shall report again when I am more collected.

Love is the law, love under will.

Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning)

finis.

* * *

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for THURSDAY, the 31th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,851.56> Moon being 00.97 Days old. [1:30am]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Strange convolutions yesterday. I am much more centered in the here-&- now today. Peraps some words of explanation are in order here (although I must admit that I am tempted to simply delete yesterday's entry & invoke the Godform of Harpocrates!).

The initiatory cycle which I am currently working in pertains to a Grade which I am not really able to manifest yet. The formulae which are spin-offs from the Working are communicable to all & are applicable to the here-&-now. But when I attempt to tap-into the initiatory process itself, I become lost (un-sane), especially when attempting to be both `in my body' as a witness to the event & `up the planes' where the initiatory cycle is actually occurring. It is very difficult for me to be an `objective' reporter, when the initiation is occurring in an arena where objects (such as myself) do not really exist & even the act of observation itself becomes an impedement to the smoothe flow of the Working. Rather than attempt accurate `reporting' on what transpires (or will transpire) during that initiatory cycle, let me simply mention one of its more disturbing (to me anyway) corolaries.

Whether my observations are valid within the context of this AEonic formula, I know not. Suffice to say that if/when the Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning properly. the upper realms of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah, Binah, & Daa"th)cease to behave like seperate entities & become much more like self-reinforcing energy fields (perhaps like Nuit's "non-atomic continuity"). Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy become very blurred. The Offices associated with these Spheres are co-valent rather than distinct thrones in a heirerarchal structure.

From my limited perspective I experienced each Office as one of the 4 elements of the God-level self, yet the attributions to the elements are not discrete. Any system of attribution is just as valid as any other. They all work, yet none of them works fully without the others. When the Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning, one cannot assume the Grade of Master, without also assuming the other 3 Grades as well. To be both dispersed in `the Abyss' & functioning as an Ipsissimus is difficult for me to imagine (much less put into words) from my `in-body' perspective. Yet, I know that such is but a small part of the apparant contradictions which I must resolve if I am to reify this initiatory cycle into my present nexus of Space/Time/Alternity. In some ways, I wish I felt I had sufficient `balance' to bring psychedelics to this Working. But I do not. There are times (like now) that I am glad that I have had the past-experience of such drugs, but I also know that their application is not universal. I am like a spinning top -- I am able to whirl faster & faster only in so far as I am able to maintain balance.

finis.

From: mimir@hardy.u.washington.edu (Al Billings) Newsgroups: alt.magick Subject: The Chalice of Ecstacy, part 2 Message-ID: <1iu0atINNfg7@shelley.u.washington.edu> Date: 12 Jan 1993 08:43:09 GMT Organization: The Friends of Loki Society Lines: 606

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for WEDNESDAY, the 4th Day of JULY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,885.93> Moon being 5.81 Days old. [10:15am]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Last night before going to sleep I was visited by a gold bug. It was a small insect with breath-takingly intense metallic gold wings & carapace. As I drifted off to sleep I thought of the flask of golden elixir which I am refluxing & soxletting in the basement. The image of the golden flask became my stomach & I saw the soxlet chamber as my mouth. Images disolved & I found myself in dreamless sleep.

As I began to awake, I realized I was dreaming. I focused on the sounds of voices within the dream & fell back into it.

I was in a magic circle with Maggie, SAM, & 5 others whom I knew, but am unable to discern clearly. 4 of us were to take up the godforms of the quarters. 2 were to dance from center to each of the quarters bear- ing sacrament, and 2 were to fuck in the center to produce the in vivo aspect of the sacrament. The quarters appeared strange & out-of-place to me. I looked beyond the circle for orientation, but all was void & without form -- uttur blackness, but with a sense of swirling. SAM went off to my left with a large herkimer diamond as an emblem of Kether as Pluto/Sothis. It was then that I became oriented. We were on the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. North was directly overhead. South (where the couple were fucking) was to the center of the circle & down. The 4 quarters were each `out' but in a different direction from any peceptable from the physical plane. East & West were the spiral paths followed by the 2 messengers bearing the psychedelic/sexual sacrament in their mouths. I was in the place of Chokmah looking accross the circle at Maggie at Binah. I hailed her & made the invoking sign of Uranus (a quartz wand in each hand traced the twin lunar curves, then merged at center & drew the energy downward to the level of my genitals.

Maggie answered by formulating the Trident of SET with her upper body while standing on a large octahedral fluorite crystal. I turned to see who was standing at Dath,but my motion disrupted my point-of-focus within the circle. I felt myself spiraling inward to the couple who were fucking. I merged with them & then fell thru them out of the circle. I awoke.

After catching my breath, I went back to sleep & worked to get back into the dream.

I was in a laboratory with my chemist friend Richard. He & I were discussing the VIIIx. He kept prodding me for information, then walking away as my talk became either personal or erotic. He was like a moth enticed by a flame which he feared. I finally realized he was looking for information on what to do with the elixir. The following information poured forth from me & he did not walk away from me, so I must have elucidated what he had been after.

The mouth is the initial receptical of the elixir. From here, it may be absorbed directly into the higher chakras sub-lingually thru the blood vessels beneath the tongue. It may also (with practice) be imbibed upwards into the sinuses by using the tongue to funnel & squirt the elixir back to the throat, then upward over the soft palate. Finally it may be swallowed into the fire of the stomach.

If swallowed, the elixir becomes fuel to run the solar furnace which burns away the dross & sends the perfume of the elixir upward to attract the attentions of the Second Order. This action opens the central chakras & allows the decent of the Holy Spirit into the outer Order. The cauldon of flames in the OTO sigil is symbolic of this process.

If allowed to disolve into the membranes of the mouth, the elixir nourishes the upper chakras & opens the throat, allowing communication betewwen the inner & middle Orders. Such is the place of vision. If the gateway to the lower Order has not been opened thru the firey purification outlined above, nighmare &/or obsession can sometimes result.

Upward swallowing of the elixir nourishes the third eye & allows the cranial suture to open fully, inviting initiation from the Universe at large. Mania can sometimes result from this practice if the Will is not formulated fully thru clearly forged channels between the inner & second Orders.

For the most part, I combine my elixir with spit & then annoint the absorbtive tissues of the anus & perianum, as well as the external analogs to the ather chakras (solar plexus, heart. throat, third eye, & crown). Depending on my mood, I may annoint the internal anus, & then transfer a bit of the tri-une elixir back to my mouth. I may also annoint my eyelids &/or my entire middle pillar with the combined elixir. At the same time, I place some of the elixir beneath my tongue, while dividing the rest between by stamach & upper sinuses. By combining all 3 paths in each operation, I am able to open, nourish, &/or maintain all links throughout the microcosmic Order within my body. Through the use of IXx & XIx (particularly in groups), the formula is extended to the macrocosmic Order as well.

finis.

Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY, the 28th Day of AUGUST, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,941.41> Moon being 2.23 Days old. [9:46pm]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Went to bed very late the past 2 nights & got up early both today & yesterday. Lack of slepp is a very plesant way to encourage the onset of the neither/neither state. Today I went back to bed about noon & spent the afternoon in intense dreams. Only one dream came through clearly.

0-Maku(tz) & I were in Tanith's apartment. I was looking for a specific item which belonged to me (the letter she had sent to me after receiving the exerpts from my HHH record) while 0-M was looking around to satisfy her innate curiosity. Tanith came back unexpectedly & I left by the fire escape & tried to hide from her. 0-M handed me a package as I fleed Tanith's apartment. After running from Tanith for a while, I realized that I was being silly & turned to face her. She was (rightfully) furious with me. I opened the package & showed her what it contained.

The package was a large piece of silk cloth (gold & crimson, rayed purple) wrapped around a large sword blade with the word Thelema in Greek on the blade (like the Ace of Swords in the Crowley deck). In the package was also a hilt of gold, silver & platinum with a cross-piece & pommel (shaped like a Tau cross). The pommel had a huge faceted diamond held in the claws of a Horus Hawk.

Tanith asked me why I had taken her magickal sword & why it was now in two pieces instead of one. She then saw the pommel & stated that her sword never had a diamond & that the handle had been of blood stained iron, not precious metals. She demanded an explanation from me.

As I had never seen the sword before & had not taken it apart, I had no ready answer for her, but I realized that on some level I must know the answer to the riddle, so I relaxed & let the words flow out of me.

I told her that the blade of her sword was the weapon of the "Woman girt with a Sword" who stands before the Heirophant on the Tarot card. Long had she worked this office for 718, yet the sword has always been hers to wield on her own (not just at 718's bidding). The blade was the symbol of her Will, which has been tempered & made strong thru conflict with those who would thwart that Will. I handed her the blade & it began to glow in her hands.

The Tau cross with the diamond pommel was her Tree of Life crowned at Kether with a diamond star from the body of Nuit. Somehow I saw it as a result(?) of Liber Yod, but not in the usual way that Liber Yod is used. Somehow Liber Yod can be used to create a new personal Universe as well as destroy an old one [don't ask me how, I'm just the scribe here!] & the hilt of the sword embodies the manifestation/essence of the newly created Universe. Somehow, Tanith's hilt is an aspect of the `proof' refered to in "Let success be thy proof" in Liber CCXX. In a way which I cannot fully comprehend, I saw the hilt as the Ace of Wands reified in Malkuth, sort of like the diamond tipped staff which is wielded by the Princess of Disks to infuse the earth with magick &/or draw energy from the earth, but having much more `Ace-energy' than `Princess-energy'.

[Thus the sword & handle (when forged into a working tool, is one of those Wand/Sword fusions which I have seen & been told about from time to time (Hegit, Mark, etc.) but which I never seem to be able to understand fully, probably because the weopon is not mine to wield.] The sword has not yet been forged into one tool by Anicca Aiwas for she still has some misgivings about the possible misuses to which she may have subjected the blade while still in 718's service. I could sense a conflict emmanating from the magickal implement which spoke of an unresolved duality between serving the Thelema (the blade) & manifesting one's own Will (the hilt). The dissonance of purpose had divided the tool of office against itself.

I handed the hilt back to Tanith/Anicca Aiwas & she accepted the puzzle which the blade & hilt seem to represent.

Tanith then handed me a fist-sized chunk of metal, which I believed to be either silver or platinum. It appeared to be a sculpture of some sort. I was somewhat bewildered by the gift. I knew it to be precious metal, but (as it was a sculpture), it would not be fitting for me to sell it or pawn it to get cash (which I sorely need). I looked at it more closely & saw that it was a giant molar. This suprized me. I knew that Tooth=Shin=Spirit, but I am not used to seeing such a massive repre- sentation of spirit!

The dream disolved & I was alone on an endless plain (which seemed to curve upward at the horizon) which was more or less flat, but with gently rolling hills & long wide shallow furrows zig-zagging over the landscape. Gravity seemed `normal' & the sky had seven suns (scarlet, emerald green, electric blue, royal purple, gold, silver & black) lighting the plain with their eerie glow. The sky was jet black & filled with stars which did not twinkle. The ground beneath my feet was smooth & hard yet slightly yielding. The plain reminded me of that expensive linoleum with a built in cushion, but it was wrinkled like elephant leather.

Then I realized where I was. I knew the suns to be the gems on the 7 fingers of that elder god who has long been my guide & companion. I realized that while I dreamed, I stood in the palm of his hand. I reach- ed for the suns with my right hand & closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes, I was in the large throneroom on the plateau of Leng, holding hands with my mentor (& sometimes adversary), the ancient god with the tentacles on his face. He smiled & asked me whether my `dream' had been about Tanith, or about me. I thought about it for a while, for I could tell that a flip answer would not do justice to our relationship.

I told my mentor that Tanith & I were linked thru potent initiatory ties & that it would not be constructive to attempt to seperate `her' from `me' within the context of a dream working such as this. He laughed & made an imaginary mark in the air (I had scored a point) as he encour- aged me to continue. I told him that I could by no means speak of the meaning of this dream as it pertains to Tanith (now Anicca Aiwas), but that I would communicate this dream to her to allow her to make of it what she wills.

He laughed at me & told me to discuss my dream as it pertains to `me'. I told him that I had (many times!) been sorely tempted to cast Thelema out of my life because of abuses to AL & Oz in which others sought to use Thelema as a tool to twart & limit the Wills of others. I went on to cite Grant, Motta, & Grady as prime examples of persons who seemed to abuse their high office. But, I said, even if one could take the actions of these persons at face value (which is not likely), Thelema cannot be judged flawed thru observations of those who abuse the Law. Thelma must be judged thru observing those who uphold it. But then, I continued, things are not always occuring only on the simple outward level, but on levels which use the little ego as a tool to higher ends. Training sometimes appears to embody its exact opposite, for there is always the Antimony.....

At which point my mentor & friend roared in laughter (thus de-railing my train of thought) as he brought out a large cauldron filled with metallic powders. There were 3 kinds of powder in the cauldron -- yellow, black, & blue-white. Where the 3 powders came into contact with one another, there was a fourth powder, but my eyes could not bear to look upon it. My mentor pointed to the piles of powders with one of his facial tentacles & said "Behold the 4 allotropic forms of Antimony". He then pointed directly at where I could not bear to look & said:

"This is explosive Antimony. Within the fabric of Maya on your plane of existance, this powerful form of Antimony cannot exist in pure form for very long without exploding. When it reacts in violence, it scatters the other ingredients out of the reaction vessel <pointing to the cauldron> & the alchemical transformation is prematurely brought to an abrupt halt. Such setbacks are rarely fatal (save perhaps to the physical vehicle of the operator), but are often annoying."

"However, if one is able to work from a laboratory based on this plane <pointing to the Mirrored Gateways which interconnect all of Alternity> and if one has befriended the trans-rational Gatekeeper <pointing to an image of himself reflected in one of the mirrors {or was it one of my reflections?!?} >, then one has a relatively good chance of containing the reaction long enough to achieve some interesting results!"

He then told me to look directly into the center of the cauldron. I felt very dizzy & my eyes began to tear, but I complied with his instruc- tions. I saw the center of the pot was bubbling with heat & the three powders were melting into a pool. The surface of the pool became a mirror, reflecting the stars overhead. Without prompting, I shifted my head from side to side so that the image of the brightest star was reflected in the center of the pool of molten Antimony. I then reached into the cauldron to remove the diamond from the pot.

The molten Antimony powders felt both searing hot & numbing cold at the same time. I felt as though I had reached down a deep gravity well & my arm was being sucked into the heart of a neutron star. But once I became used to the alien `enviornment', I was able to grab the gem with no problem. As I drew forth the gem, I saw that the molten Antimony dripping from it was solidifying into gold, black, & blue-white threads which remained attached to the diamond. My mentor prompted me to dip the gem back into the cauldron & draw it back out several times. I did so, & saw that the drippings congealed below the gem much like the wax of a newly formed candle. As I began to withdraw the `handle' from the cauldron, my mentor told me to project my Will into the concurbit so that my Will would become an integral part of that which I was reifying.

I began to baulk, for I had guessed the purpose of this rite. I did not want a Wand/Sword! I considered myself a peaceful man who did not need weapons with which to inflict pain & destruction. My mentor pushed my hand back into the cauldron to the elbow & told me to drop the gem- stone. He told me that if I could not accept the responsibility of `Will- ful Creation' then the gemstone was not for me. I really wanted the gem, (& was unwilling to release it from my hand), but I felt very uneasy about fusing my gem of Spirit to a weapon of destruction. As I vacillat- ed in indecission, the Antimony congealed about my arm, trapping it in a vise of intense pressure, heat, & cold.

My mentor released the pressure on my arm & smiled at me. He asked how I intended to wield my Will without a handle to guide & direct my thrusts (making them clean concise & instructive, rather than nasty & hostile). I thought of my interactions with 481 & 718 & I knew that while my thrusts at them had been both neccessary & willful, I was unhappy with the results of my actions. My actions had been more like blind bludgeonings than insightful thrusts. My mentor continued. He told me that the element of `Spirit reified' was the ideal hilt for a sword, especially in the hands of one who aspired to my office.

I had to agree that his arguements were persuasive, but I had no idea what office he was referring to. He smiled & told me to look in the mirror of molten Antimony. As I focused my attention into the cauldron, the Antimony began to melt & flow like quicksilver. In its shiny metallic surface I saw a large hall, with a large round table at its center. Seated around the table was a great gathering of Kings, Queens, Fools, Knights, & Ladies. All carried themselves with the bearing of nobility, though few wore courtly clothes. None were treated inferior to any of the others. All ruled as Sovereigns, each in his/her own realm. I saw the Lawgiver & the Peacemaker. I saw the Alchemist & the High Priestess. The Horned God was there, as was the Master Mason & the Chief Chef. The beggar, the thief, the harlot & the stableboy had places of honor at this great table no less than the others.

All whom I looked upon transformed into me, yet I was but one of many independent/autonomous individuals in the room. I saw in this paradox the fall of many Masters who were unable to see the other members of the S.'.S.'. as anything other than shadow puppets (i.e., projections of the Master's individual Wills.

My mentor reminded me that each member of the Sovereign Sanctuary is a Master of a particular specialty, yet all must remain generalists. I may choose my own specialties, but <should the need arise>, I must be able to perform any & all functions of any of the other Masters. Although I fancy myself a gentle man, I must forge my sword well & learn to wield it in a skillful & deadly manner. So long as I appear weak & uncertain, I will be prey to being `tested' by all who are looking for `an easy mark', but if I become as skilled as a Samuri with my Magickal blade, none but fools will challenge me unneccessarily.

I focused my Will into the cauldron & slowly began to draw-out my arm (which was stil immersed to the elbow in the congealed Antimony). The strain was intense at first (especially at the wrist), but as my arm began to move through the sludge, it began to melt & to lubricate my progress. The pommel broke thru the surface. It was a many faceted diamond, bonded to a triple-braided metal hilt composed of Gold, Black Platinum, & a purple-silvery metal [which I somehow knew was a mystic alloy formulated from the interplay of Silver with the heat of hotly tempered Iron, which was then quenched by thrusting it into a solidified double cube altar of frozen metallic Hydrogen]. Each strand formulated itself into one of the 3 serpents who guard the Gateways to Divine Ecstacy -- Sexual Tantrika, Entheogenic Alchemy, & the Dance/Music of Divine Possession <i.e., Sex, Drugs, & Rock-&-Roll to the plebians>. The snake's open jaws firmly anchored the gem to the pommel, while their tails seemed to merge with the fine filagree of the cross-piece. The cross-piece was pure emerald (glowing cool & self-luminous), deeply etched with arcane sigils & kept charged by the flow of Mercury thu the grooves of the sigils like electrons thru an isulated superconducting wire.

I held my sword firmly by the hilt with its blade-in-formulation just beneath the surface of the Antimony. I willed the cauldron to boil as I remembered the Weapon Shops of Isher where the most sophisticated weapons in the Universe are forged. The Artisans of Isher are marvelous at creat- ing unique weapons for defense against any attacker. Each is able to all blows & each is able to to cut thru any armor made by mortal men, yet it is impossible to use any of their weapons offensivly against any non- combatant (either intentionally or thru carelessness), and each is charg- ed in such a way that it can only be used under the conscious control of the person for whom the weapon was forged (irrespective of who is actually wielding the weapon).

Then I focused on my skill with words & formulated a polychromatic laser which can be used for communication as well as for war. I remem- bered Thoth, my father, & Saint Francis, and embued my sword with their essences. I gave honor to their love of life & their love of Truth.

I did a Bakti to Maat & meditated upon her feather of Truth. Maat's feather of Truth is <to me> a hybrid of the feather of the golden eagle (kingship), raven (messenger & all-seeing eyes of Odin), & dove (love), rather than an ostrich plume [too long has Justice hidden from the responsibility of decision making]. I focused my Will as an instrument of healing & communication as well as a force to repel attack.

I drew the Sword out of the cauldron & held it aloft. A pair of ravens (Hugin & Munin) were sitting on the shoulders of my mentor (who transformed himself into a white haired & bearded human dressed in a coarse grey wool cloak. He chuckled to himself as he stroked his chin whiskers & leaned on his staff. His right eye was covered with a patch. A golden eagle (whom I associate with Horus) soared far overhead & a dove swooped down over the cauldron.

My point of vision swept back & I saw myself in a tableau of the OTO sigil with Odin standing accross the Grail from me extending his arms in a blessing (like the priest figure on the Lovers Card in the Thoth deck). I heard a choir of unearthly voices (like Bryan Eno's music) chanting praises as a Sun rose up from the cauldron and took its place amidst the company of Stars in the heavens above. My vision fell inward & I merged back with he whom I have learned to identify with `I'.

The blade of my sword is neither metal nor crystal, but energy (like the light sabers in Star Wars) which can be used as a fine surgical in- strument, or a tool for etching monuments in the hardest stone, as well as a sword. With the blade retracted, the hilt transforms into an emerald headed hammer, which can shoot forth lightning bolts in ways undreamed of by Norse bards. By shifting my `internal' perspective, I could become at- one with Thoth, Hermes, Arthur, Thor, and myriad other heros as well. By shifting my `external' perspective, I could become at- one with any other facet of my Universe (from the sentient floor beneath my feet, to my mentor as father Odin, to the Dove as Venus/Babalon, to the eagle as Horus, to my unseen brother Loki whom I knew was laughing at my pompous self-delusions from the mirrored Gateways which lined the hall).

My mentor mumbled something about having to re-work the aphorism about the pen being mightier than the sword to deal with `Thoth in the land of Darth Vader'. His illusory guise shifted as he spoke, and he returned to his `normal' self -- now playing with his senient mouth tentacles, rather than stroking his beard. He raised his arms & the vision shimmered. I returned to my human body with a strong memory of a Tau cross & a light saber, nothing more.

[When I began this entry, I had but the shadowiest of memories concerning that portion of my dream beyond my interaction with Tanith. I wanted nothing to do with a Wand/- Sword (which I had always associated with warped-out hurt-&-angry men seeking justifi- cation to use the Wand of Creation to destructive ends). Cary sent me a letter today which included a very powerful feather (white at the tip, then black, then brown/gold) which somehow prompted me to write fully of my dream & to recall its details from the depths of my un-conscious. I am now beginning to appreciate some of the positive aspects of the Wand handled Sword & must now begin to use it constructively in my dealings with 481 & 718 (a true manifestation upon the physical!).]

I am well pleased with myself. I know my initiation is (for now, anyway) illusory (i.e., subjective & internal) rather than manifest in the collective Maya (i.e., the objective concensus reality of the material world), but I know it to be a good & powerful starting place. The cauldron of Antimony must be transported the physical & the experiment repeated (many times if need be) until I can forge the tool I need for my work.

Love is the law, love under will.

Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 29th Day of AUGUST, 1984 e.v., [4:12am] Being the 10th Day of MEKHIR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning)

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Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for WEDNESDAY, the 23rd Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,844.21> Moon being 23.15 Days old. [4:55pm]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

In half-awake state after a phonecall awoke me this morning. I was drifting back to sleep when images of the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my consciousness. I saw that the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived from the Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old Tree. The black sphere of Saturn embodies the essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the formula of karezza. In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of vital essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will. The red sphere of Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which represents the spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the conscious control of the Alchemist. Together they symbolize the formula of IT (the un-manifest & manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's comments on the Book of Lies.

I then began to see the Chalice on other levels. The Chalice is the fruit of the Tree of initiation which is also a map of the esoteric nervous system of the Magus. To those `outside' of the Magus's Universe, the Chalice appears very feminine & passive (for they are unable to perceive its dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings). The aspirant is the male dove whe comes to drink the nectar of transformation. Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the aspirants to the inner Order strive to perfect their feminine virtues.

Those who have attained to the inner Order embody both the Masculine virtues of the Outer Order, & the Feminine virtues of the Second Order. The members of the trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further initiation. They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the fabric of their beings. They are ever ready to offer what they have to those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup. The members of the Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine emphatic androgynes who embody the quintessence of the Alchemical Marriage. The substance of their Chalice is their uniqueness -- that which prevents their dissolution into the universal experience of Brahma. The contents of the Chalice is a distillation of Azoth -- the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will disolve in ecstacy & cease to manifest as a unique entity. However, the alchemist seeks always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of other Chalices in the hope that s/he may attain disolution. The dynamic balance of the testicles of Jachin & Boaz are crucial to this on-going task.

The developing symbolism in these visions is wonderous to me, yet its practical application seems so obvious to me that I feel I must be missing something. But, in the interest of completeness, allow me to be- labor the obvious. The lower 2 spheres are a specialized application of the energies of Mars & Saturn to the task of VIIIx & IXx alchemy using the formulae of IT & Solvae et Coagula. The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of the Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished by the absorbtion of a portion of the elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its external surface. The body of the chalice is the pyramid of the Master, turned inside-out to offer the dew of immortality to all, rather tahn secreting it away like a black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) are the active (initiate) masculine & feminine componants of the Alchemist which act as independent self-motivated agents of the aspiring Ego (the Star in its go-ing). The supernals (including Dath)delineate the specialized nature of the cup of initiation which the Magus offers to the world (i.e., h-is/er specialized Magickal Current), while the Chalice is filled with the Universal solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe it. The Chalice is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup & its rim is studded with the 4 elements. The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of Babalon. It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that which is called the Rosey-Cross by the Second Order. Aspirants to the Third Order are warned never to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet the Magi of the Third Order subsist entirely upon its contents.

Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator. The contents of the Chalice are the precursor to information (DNA, initiation into a specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than information itself. Purpura of Ghee is infinitely transmutable by the Will of the aspirant in his journey from student to Ipsissimus, and is (ideally) un-influencable by the Will of the initiator.

This is a radical departure from previous AEons in which the Master dictated & controlled the development of initiation within the body/soul of the Aspirant. In previous AEons, the formula for the Master was the pyramid, symbolizing the containment & rationing of the elixir of initiation. The primamry vice of Masters who work the formula of the pyramid is Simony -- the restriction of initiation for personal gain (acquisition of wealth; consolidation of power over others who may posses different world-views; centralization & control over prophesy & inspiration; and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma). The restriction of initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite at the expense of the Magickal Current. Corruption of the Alchemical Chalice is the universal result of mis-application of the formula of the Pyramid. A sure sign of such corruption is the silencing of those who question authority (censorship of non-traditional views, excommunication of heretics or removing them from positions of authority, or {in extreme cases} torture & murder of heretics).

Those whose Will is to work within the presnt AEon (whose symbol is, for me, the Chalice of Ecstacy) have vowed to release all aspirants from requirements of patriotic fealty to our Will & to the dogma associated with our Path. As initiators, we become an open channel of inspiration, rather than its overseer. Obligations between any student or neophyte & any Master or Magus are always open to discussion, and may have no `hidden strings' attached to them.

But this does not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives to training students with no recompense. Workers in any field of endeavor (be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else) are deserving of compensation for their efforts. An under-study, chela or apprentice must expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or pay cash in exchange for his training. Like any other similar arrangement, the exact nature of the exchange is open to discussion at any point in the apprenticeship. Apprenticeship training replaces the life-long indentured servitude which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal centralization of power practiced in the previous AEon.

Magical Orders which continue to be based upon the closed systems of the previous AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid to flower. As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups of initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our success will be a proof to all who are drawn to us.

There are those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its obligations. Those Masters choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal Orders to forge links of their own with the inner Order. In some cases, it may not be possible for individuals to absolve themselves of their obligations to repressive Orders without abnegating all initiation as well. However, in most instances the ingenious initiate is fully capable of freeing h-im/er- self from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders without breaking any oaths. The demonstration of the proof of this theorem is left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru the use of this formula.

Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS, or Word which when uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon serves to mold all Currents of that AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS. Hence, the previous AEonic formula was that of Patriarchy. Assertion of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in China as much as it was by the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon before that was little different,save in the `flavor' of its Dogma. However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right to utter the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so. Those who have become Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular AEonic formula, but are free to work with whatever formula(e) is/are aligned with the Current which it is their Will to transmit.

At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition among myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertiliza- tion among heretofore contradictory Currents. But cross-initiation is strictly voluntary and is not neccessitaed by the LOGOS of this AEon. Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence to incubate in fullness. During incubation, they may appear to be practicing the dis- eased isolation of the black brothers. However, such may not be the case. Only time & the success or failure of a particular formula can attest to its efficacy. We are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own LOGOS. Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi.

Love is the law, love under will.

Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 19th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., [10:30pm] Being the 3rd Day of ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning)

finis.

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