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Article 7392 of rec.humor: >From: hirayama@suvax1.UUCP (Pat Hirayama) Subject: Fun With Unix -- Summary -- LONG! Keywords: all those unix jokes (?) Message-ID: <1204@suvax1.UUCP> Date: 25 Aug 88 23:17:19 GMT Organization: Seattle University, Seattle, WA.

OK folks. Here is a summary of (nearly) all of the 'Fun With Unix' jokes (?) that were posted over the past few weeks. There are a few that I couldn't figure out, so those are at the end.

Disclaimer: Just because it is under the cshell section doesn't mean that it won't work under bourne shell, and the converse is also true.

Also, if you are sick and tired of these things...HIT 'n' NOW!!!!!!

---- >From the csh (cshell):

% make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% got a light? No match.

% sleep with me bad character

% man: Why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments.

% rm God rm: God nonexistent

% man woman No manual entry for woman.

% man ' automatic insertion' No manual entry for automatic insertion.

% make 'heads or tails of all this' Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.

% make sense Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.

% make mistake Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.

% make bottle.open Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.

% \(- (-: Command not found.

% rm -i God rm: remove God? y % ls God God not found % make God Make: Don't know how to make God. Stop. % make light Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.

% date me You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988

% who is smart suvax1!hirayama tty12 Aug 25 15:04

% man rear No manual entry for rear.

% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have? Too many )'s.

% * How would you describe George Bush *: Ambiguous.

% %Vice-President %Vice-President: No such job.

% ls Meese-Ethics Meese-Ethics not found

% "How would you rate Reagan's senility? Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ].

% ^How did the^sex change operation go? Modifier failed.

% cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex % more sex sex: Permission denied % mv sex show % strip show strip: show: Permission denied

% who is my match? No match.

% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir ;chmod 000 ;ls Democratic_Platform unreadable

% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking" awk: syntax error near line 1 awk: bailing out near line

% %blow %blow: No such job.

% 'thou shalt not commit adultery' thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.

And from the bourne shell (sh):

$ drink < bottle;opener bottle: cannot open opener: not found

$ test my argument test: too many arguments

$ "Amelia Earhart" Amelia Earhart: not found

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending!

$ man -kisses dog dog: nothing appropriate

$ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages $ mkdir matter;cat > matter matter: cannot create

$ lost lost: not found

$ found found: not found

$ i=Hoffa ;> ; ;rm ;rm Hoffa: cannot execute rm: Hoffa nonexistent

The following are ones that I can't get to work on my BSD 4.3, so I suppose that they are stuff from ATT SysV or some other such:

% strip bra bra: Cannot open

% sccs what bottle can't open bottle (26)

$ cat "door: paws too slippery" can't open door: paws too slippery

$ cat food_in_tin_cans cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans

% analyze R/etc/analyze

These are ones that I couldn't get to work at all (at least so that they would make [humorous] sense):

% test without warning test: too many arguments % test without arguments test: too many arguments % test I bet five bucks you will say argument expected test: too many arguments

Obviously, there must be something different about other people's tests :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pat Hirayama, Computer & Information Services, Seattle U, Seattle, WA 98122

UUCP: ..!uw-entropy!{dataio,thebes}!suvax1!hirayama or: suvax1!hirayama@entropy.ms.washington.edu

Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------