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Path: uuwest!spies!apple!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!lll-winken!looking!watmath!maytag!oddjob!watserv1!looking!funny-request From: ken@aiai.edinburgh.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Doughnuts (From talk.bizarre) Keywords: original, smirk, stereotypes Message-ID: <S197.5f77@looking.on.ca> Date: 28 Sep 90 23:30:07 GMT Lines: 143 Approved: funny@looking.on.ca

_A_n_a_r_c_h_y You steal a doughnut. _A_s_c_i_i o Doughnut. * Squashed doughnut. _ Very squashed doughnut. _B_i_f_f HEY! THIS DOHGNUT J0KS ARE PRITY FUNY I"VE NEVER HERD THEM BEFOUR,, I L1KE DOUGHUNTS BECOS THERE ALL SUGARRY. _B_r_i_t_i_s_h _R_a_i_l All doughnuts subject to delay and cancellation due to, etc. _B_u_d_d_h_i_s_m God is a doughnut, and God is not a doughnut. _B_u_r_e_a_u_c_r_a_c_y The State takes your doughnut away and then refuses to let you buy another doughnut because you already have one. _C_a_p_i_t_a_l_i_s_m You buy a doughnut. _C_a_t_h_o_l_i_c_i_s_m The priest blesses the doughnut and you mustn't chew it. _C_h_r_i_s_t_i_a_n_i_t_y I was hungry, and ye gave me a doughnut. _C_h_u_r_c_h _o_f _E_n_g_l_a_n_d You know, in a very real sense, God is a doughnut. _C_o_m_m_u_n_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut. _C_o_n_f_u_s_c_i_a_n_i_s_m Confuscius he say doughnut. _C_r_i_c_k_e_t Thanks to Mrs Emily Crunge of Lanarkshire for sending me these delicious cream doughnuts. I don't think there's been a >chomp< doughnut article quite like this since Flapjack posted one for the West Indies in 1823, and he >chew< went on to win the series by four wickets. He was left-handed, of course; I don't know if that made a difference. _D_H_S_S You can't have a doughnut, and even if you could, you'd have to give it all back straight away. _D_a_v_i_d _O_w_e_n When I was Foreign Secretary I would have dealt with, etc. _D_i_c_t_a_t_o_r_s_h_i_p Buy a doughnut, or else. _D_o_u_g_l_a_s _A_d_d_a_m_s Doughnuts are actually an alien life form from a distant, etc. _E_d_i_n_b_u_r_g_h _F_e_s_t_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a doughnut. _E_d_w_i_n_a _C_u_r_r_i_e Doughnuts are infected with salmonella, tarantella, cinderella, valpolicella, winecella, rockefella, umbrella etc. _E_u_n_e_t._j_o_k_e_s What's brown, soft and sticky? ^L Give up? ^L A doughnut. _E_u_r_o_p_e_a_n The State pays for a doughnut and the EEC pays you to eat it. _F_a_n_t_a_s_y Just when you were about to starve you find a doughnut. _F_a_s_c_i_s_m The storm-troopers eat your doughnut and shoot you. _F_e_m_i_n_i_s_t Wimmin, doughnut, repressed, sisters, male dominated, etc. _F_o_l_k _s_o_n_g `Doughnut forsake me, oh my darling!' _F_o_o_t_b_a_l_l 'Ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we dough, etc. _F_u_n_d_a_m_e_n_t_a_l_i_s_m Doughnuts are an abomination unto the Lord, etc. _G_l_y_n_d_e_b_o_u_r_n_e _F_e_s_t_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a doughnut and then listen to her sing a song about it. _H_a_c_k R.I.P. ken 225 Au killed by a doughnut. _H_e_a_l_t_h _F_a_r_m You don't eat a doughnut. _I_s_l_a_m The religious police beat you up and chop your hands off. _K_i_n_n_o_c_k Doughnuts are down 50% in real terms over the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _L_a_b_o_u_r _P_a_r_t_y _S_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, only there aren't any, and it's all the Tories' fault. _L_i_b_e_r_a_l_s Doughnuts are 50% the same in real terms as the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _L_o_c_a_l _C_o_u_n_c_i_l You can have a doughnut, if you pay the right people. _L_o_n_d_o_n _T_r_a_n_s_p_o_r_t Doughnut alight while bus is in motion. _L_o_o_n_y You are a doughnut. I am a doughnut. I am not a doughnut. _M_a_r_x_i_s_m The State takes your doughnut away and gives it to someone who hasn't got a doughnut. _M_i_s-_s_p_e_l_t U bi er donut an u eet itt. _N_H_S There's a two-year waiting list for doughnuts, but of course if you were to buy one privately you could have it tomorrow. _N_o_t_t_i_n_g _H_i_l_l _C_a_r_n_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a doughnut and then the police come along and nick him. _O_l_i_g_a_r_c_h_y You can have a doughnut, if you know the right people. _P_e_n_t_e_c_o_s_t_a_l_i_s_m You feed a crowd of 5000 people on one doughnut. _P_o_e_t_r_y You are/a doughnut./I am/a doughnut./I am/not/a doughnut. _R_e_a_l_i_t_y Just when you were about to starve you didn't find a doughnut. _S_c_o_t_t_i_s_h _N_a_t_i_o_n_a_l_i_s_t Ye ken aboot doughnuts? It's cos of they bastard English, that's why, an' fuck off the noo. _S_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State gives you a doughnut. _S_o_u_t_h _A_f_r_i_c_a_n Dese is for whites only. You bleks get a dog biscuit. _S_o_v_i_e_t _C_o_m_m_u_n_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, only there aren't any. _S_t_a_l_i_n_i_s_m The State takes your doughnut away, eats it, and tells you that they gave it to someone who hadn't got a doughnut. _S_u_n_d_a_y _S_p_o_r_t Killer Doughnuts on Spanking Sex Panties Rampage at North Pole _S_w_i_m_m_i_n_g Blug blug blug blug fluffle doughnublug blug. _T_a_m _D_a_l_y_e_l_l The `Belgrano' was steaming on a bearing 260 degrees, etc. _T_h_a_s_c_i_s_m You sell a doughnut and buy a bigger doughnut. _T_h_a_t_c_h_e_r Doughnuts are up 50% in real terms over the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _T_r_a_d_e_s _U_n_i_o_n _s_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, and you go on strike. _U_n_i_x Sticky bit not set. _W_a_d_d_i_n_g_t_o_n_s Doughnut! The new, amazing, fantastic game for all the family! _W_e_l_s_h _N_a_t_i_o_n_a_l_i_s_t Onid oes chwarae maesteg doughnut llanfairpwll defaid. _W_i_n_e _W_e_e_k_l_y A fine, well-rounded doughnut with an amusing jam after-taste _Z_e_n What is the sound of one doughnut clapping? _Z_i_m_b_a_b_w_e_a_n Dese is for blacks only. You whites get beat up. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.

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