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From: eyc@acpub.duke.edu (EMIL CHUCK) Subject: White House Menu Apr 01 1993 Message-ID: <12538@news.duke.edu> Date: 1 Apr 93 19:33:20 GMT Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C. Lines: 341

Please email suggestions and comments to me.

Avaiable on request: 1. From: pmccurdy@alcalde.Corp.Sun.COM (Patrick McCurdy) Subject: Clinton's Dinner in Los Gatos, CA Date: 23 Feb 93 21:55:19 GMT Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.

THE WH MENU a cumulative exercise in political humor begun by Emil Thomas Chuck and still striving for improvement!

Apologies to the offended, except for those humorless Clinton-supporters. Suggestions and comments: email to eyc@acpub.duke.edu.

The current menu at the White House Apr 01 1993

From Kosher Kitchen, add 15% broad-based value-added contribution. Certain items may not be available from Kosher Kitchen. Changes in menu and kitchen by First Lady Hillary Clinton (NYT Feb 01 93)

Certified by the Department of Agriculture, won the 1993 Espy award.

NOTE: I want more suggestions for a "lite" menu for Secretary Aspen. We do not want to contribute badly to his heart condition.

Breakfast

Waffles (catered by McDonald's) 1. Pain waffle $2.25 2. Waffle with a middle class tax cut NOT AVAILABLE(1) 3. Waffle with Lloyd's consumption tax syrup (2) BTU-dependent 4. Fried Waffle in Haitian Rum Sauce $3.25 with curly-excuse potatoes $2.99 (not available for Jesse Jackson)

(1) It's not the #1 item on our menu. I don't know who suggested that it would be, but we never said it would be a balanced part of our nutritious healthy budget of calories. (2) With added ethanol. Also "reduced calorie" available, especially for those with gas problems.

Fruit Loops in milk (camouflaged) 21 votes trial basis until July from Senate Nunn of the camouflage NEGOTIABLE decorated in the White House Forbidden by decree

"Chelsea's breakfast specials" {lots of sausage, bacon, and waffles} with Quaker Oats $3.15 with condoms $3.50 with RU486 (test recipe) UPON REQUEST

Jogging track hash rounds $1000 gratuity

Stuffed Shelby Thousands of Ball-and-chain, whipped, & opposition-free jobs in AL QUOTE: ... The day after Clinton announced his budget package to a joint session of Congress, Vice President Al Gore sought to sell the plan by visiting lawmakers. But he was embarrassed at a meeting in Sen. Richard Shelby's office when, as the cameras rolled, the Alabama Democrat publicly complained that the proposal was "high on taxes and low on cuts." The response from the White House was swift and unapologetic: officials said they would move from Alabama to Texas the management team for a space shuttle contract, a loss of 90 jobs for Shelby's state. "We tolerate dissention here," said one administration official familiar with the episode. "But he embarrassed the veep on national telelvision instead of speaking to us privately." /Clinton musters support for plans by courting congress/ Richard Berke, NYT News Service Mar 08 93 from Duke _Chronicle_ p. 13.

Budget cuts from Democrats Not available due to an "emergency" $30B to be announced and executed in 1997-98. The NY Times reports that Rep. Charles Schumer was asked why the Democratic plan (lots of tax increases) is better than the Republican plan (no tax increases). Schumer said "what makes our budget the best is that it can pass, and we're doing something about the deficit." RLS Mar 19 93 from Republicans Found in trash 1. Rep. John Kasich (R-OH) produced a Republican plan which would reduce the deficit by $429 B over the next five years, without any tax increases. 2. Santorum-Specter plan (cut $97B of spending) Subject: Re: Give me specifics == Yet Another Lie Date: 9 Mar 93 16:26:02 GMT 3. Gramm-Lott amendment in Senate 4. Sen. Hank Brown (R-CO): WSJ Mar 09 93, p A16. 5. Rep. Gerald Solomon (R-NY). Compromise bill that incorporated elements of the Clinton plan's taxes and Kasich's spending cuts. Defeated with the Kasich plan on Mar 18, 1993. Cuts included "killing" the superconducting supercollider, and an additional $60B in defense cuts underneath the defense cuts set by Bush, Powell, and Cheaney which were $50B beneath the 1990 Budget deal caps.

Sandwiches 1. The Congressional Special Two FAKE pork patties (it's a Kosher kitchen, after all), special interests, and an industrial strength laxative (to help it go down smooth) on a sesame and caraway seeded bun (to show the bun's cultural diversity) $3.95 From RLS Mar 25 93: Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), also known as "King Pork," for reasons which will be made obvious in an upcoming story, stated that Clinton's $16 billion stimulus "will be a very difficult measure to put through." However, NY Newsday reports that "stimulus advocates, including the President, believe that it's crucial for creating jobs before the economy-depressing deficit reductions kick in next year."

Tenderheart recipe 25% fewer staff members than the old WH menu, but have yet to see if the Congressional Special's recipe will follow the lead $4.50

2. The Social Security Special SEE NOTE

3. Spotted Owl Wings @ SEE NOTE

4. Fried chicken lips (demonstrated by DNC) $120 K cf. The Economist, Feb 27; RLS Mar 08 93

5. Supreme Choice Sandwich $13.20 May substitute for White bread anything that is tested pro-choice, has minority status, and has liberal activist connections to Clinton's law school profs at Yale.

6. Carville's Blackened Louisiana Basketball Final Four tickets Carville was also asked why so many campaign officials had been brought back to the White House to straighten things out. He replied "well, it's like how many blacks you played on the basketball team in Louisiana 20 years ago - the rule was three at home, four on the road, and five when you're behind." Reported in RLS Feb 26 93 [Right after he had been brought into the White House to fix the Clinton administration's mess of things, Carville talked about how "the President is doing a fine job, but the problem is we don't know what to do with her husband."]

7. Reno roasted beef $6.50 Free of (90 Republican) lawyers. Wonderful effects on ethics cleansing (Rostenkowski suit that would be prosecuted by DC Fed DA Jay Stephens... not anymore!) Mar 23 93 [CBS radio report]

8. Happy Heeled Hoover $7.20 At the Gridiron dinner last Saturday, President Clinton made a joke about J. Edgar Hoover wearing pumps, in reference to the rumors that Hoover was gay. [RLS Mar 30 93] Of course when Oliver North "makes fun" of gays in a joke, he's branded a bigot [Mar ?? 1993]

NOTE: Cannot be served at this time, as it is an endangered species. - VP A.G. @ Spotted Owl Wings is an actual menu item at the Bordermine Cafe in Colorado [RLS Feb 03 93]

Entrees 1. Sacrificial Republiclamb with scapegoat cheese ***SPECIAL*** with Ronaroni memory of 1980s with Broccoli guilt of Horton with Quail and a baked potatoe price is a joke

2. The Rainbow Cabinet Trout (confirmed in less than a month) in a special interest jus $11.00 with a salad fit for millionaires $9.00 a la Hillary (grilled over wood for at least 90 min) $7.95 feminist flambe' (a sprinkling of womyn/en) $7.75 with Reich-a-roni (laborously stirred) $7.50 in a Ron Brown sauce (w/o Social Sec Sauce, with golden parachutes) $1.4M with Zoe-cchuni NO LONGER AVAILABLE Nevada-style (all croutons from Reno) $8.36 a la Gore (without fish, not cooked over a stove, no nukes or microwaves, not stored in a Freon-using refrigerator ... hell, it's just pieces of raw organically grown grass) $9.50

3. Suefood Surprise with a cabinet full of lawyers $10.95 with a cabinet full of millionaires $10.95 with a "leaner" bureaucracy $10,950 fully serviced by illegal immigrants NOT AVAILABLE with micromanagement NO EXTRA CHARGE Children's Legal Defense Fund Portion with a parental lawsuit and an Al Gore Environmentally sound coloring book (bag of crayons, no book - would mean the death of a tree!) PARENTS BILLED

4. Stephanopoultry assortment (from the "Chicken Plant") without a Dee-Dessert $6.75 with a large Gephardt role $7.95 special prosecutor UPON REQUEST

5. (Mis)Steak of the Union $10.15 Burned to a crisp. (Hey I guess we asked for it.)

6. Forest Gridlock Summit Vegetarian Pizza (may substitute marijuana for oregano in Arkansas:: 01/28 AP Report) $8.95 "WORKING TOWARD NEW, BALANCED AND COMPREHENSIVE POLICY FOREST CONFERENCE SET FOR APRIL 2 IN PORTLAND, OR After Years of Gridlock, Action to Save Jobs and Precious Resources ... It is time to break the gridlock that has blocked action and bring all sides together to craft a balanced approach to the economic and environmental challenges we face." Wed Mar 10 93 White House Press Release

7. Senator Byrd's Clocktower Special $10.25 Although the nation has two such clocks, the main one in Virginia with a backup clock in Florida, Senator Byrd has used his position as Chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee to allocate $7 million to build a third Atomic Clock, which coincidentally will be in his home state of West Virginia. For 150 years, the US Naval Observatory has kept the nation's master clock running in Virginia, and the backup clock was built only recently during the Cold War. However, as the Cold War winds down, Senator Byrd has decided that the Navy should build a third Atomic Clock, even though the Navy insists it doesn't need it. RLS Mar 25 93

Beverages 1. Hope Springs Eternal (Flavored dirty tap water from the Arkansas River near the "Chicken Plant") In a recycled glass or plastic bottle (BYO Bottle) $2.25 "Dolphin-Free" $2.95 "Soak the Rich" punch We'll back a truck to the nearest window, stick a nozzle in your mouth, and irrigate you like some Tennessee Valley Authority project. UPON REQUEST

2. Celestial Blackmail Teas $100K [Celestial Teas targeted by the New York Boycott Colorado group, which was formed in protest of Colorado's rejection of Amendment 2. Story by Walter Smith, Colorado Springs IT Center, Feb 05 93]

3. Shalala Shake $2.50 Milk shake with PC pudding and a pink flamingo decoration. Stirred with tongue depressor. [Inspired by a picture of 1000 plastic pink flamingoes placed on a quad area in the University of Wisconsin.]

4. CAFE au EPA 40 mpg

5. Dallas Cowboy Stampede Scalp of Wash Redskin

6. Democrat fathers know best No change Lloyd Bentsen's son has just been forgiven a $21.5 million forgiven by the Federal Resolution Trust Agency. Rush recalls what happened to Neil Bush for his S&L dealings, but Bentsen's son has gotten off scott free. RLS Mar 25 93

Dee-Desserts Slick Willy Long Island % $1.00 Hillary's health care cookies $2.99 with Celestial Blackmail Tea $3.99 Triple layer-of-taxes cake (SALE PRICE!!!!) $30K or more Schoolhouse deficit cake $128.31 Sweet death of pro-life movement (Gunned down) Freedom of Choice Access Act Passage

% Really, this is an actual menu item in Harry's Chocolate Shop, an adult bar in West Lafayette IN. (It's $3.00 w/tax.) Source: Kevin L. Stamber, Purdue Univ.

********** SPECIAL NOTICE ********** SPECIAL NOTICE ********** Any item from the old John F. Kennedy menu 15% off menu price. Any item from the old Franklin Roosevelt menu is 20% off. Any item from Eleanor Roosevelt's recipe book is FREE!!!!!! **************************************************************

LIST OF FINANCIAL PATRIOTS Larry Villella, a 14-y.o. in Fargo ND [Feb 22 93] $1000.00 "I think you're really a symbol of what's best in this country, and I'm proud of you and I thank you for doing this." -- Bill Clinton An elementary school [RLS Mar 08 93] $ 130.00 An elementary school [RLS Mar 08 93] $ 200.00 Liz Smith, gossip columnist, NY Newsday [Mar 03 93]: "Now is your chance actively to help Uncle Sam with his deficit headache. Do you want to do something useful, while waiting as Congress tries to sweat out and melt down President Clinton's new tax program? Well, you can! Simply figure out how much you can bear to part with and make out a check to the government of the US, marking it as a contribution to help reduce the deficit. "This is a trendy and good thing, no matter how big or small your contribution, and it is something that more and more people are doing to show they really want the deficit reduced. If everybody in the country sent a small check or money order, it could make a very big impact. Address your envelopes to President Bill Clinton, The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC 20500." A prison inmate at Somers CT [RLS Mar 17 93] $ 25.00

Menu contributors include everyone on the Internet: e.g., stamber@ecn.purdue.edu Kevin L. Stamber hampton@ais.org Kevin J. Podsiadlik ads3@po.cwru.edu Andrew Shults psg+@pitt.edu Paul S. Galvanek 34AEJ7D@CMUVM.CSV.CMICH.EDU

+++ Again, suggestions, please, to eyc@acpub.duke.edu. +++

And remember, "If you can't eat possum, just go out and get yourself a small dog." paraphrased from Mick from the High Mtns of NM, RL radio Feb 09 93. -- Emil Thomas Chuck eyc@acpub.duke.edu BSE in BME in 1993 "You just can't promise something like that just to get elected if you know there's a good chance that circumstances may overtake you." - Bill Clinton, East Lansing MI debate, Mon Oct 19 1992

-- And so, the rubber spheroid arced beneath the brilliant lights. Headed for a hoop of dreams he'd dreamt of all those nights. The crowd gasped as the ball descended; Would it grant their fondest wish? There was no doubt in Casey's mind, He knew it was a *SWISH*!